Thursday, April 28, 2011

Stitched Together

This last year I have come to find out who my true friends are. It's pretty sad that I even had to find out who was not a true friend. I guess I'll start out by saying that as an Army wife you come to find out that sometimes the shit rolls down the hill (ie. the spouses suffer because of the politics involved with the Army). I am proud to say that I never once denied someone friendship if their husband wasn't certain rank or above. There are still some who believe that Officer wives shouldn't associate with Enlisted wives.  This is my thought's on that:

Anyways, on top of all the "politics" there is something else that can effect "friendships" and it's called "broken soldier syndrome/stigma." Sadly when a soldier becomes wounded (physical or mental), they fall into the "broken soldier" catagory and other soldier's find it awkward to associate with them. Sadly, I have come to find out that this rolls down the hill to the spouses. Many of the ladies that I thought were good friends, slowly stopped talking with me after my husband was med-evac'd from his second deployment to Iraq a year ago. As soon as I said that my husband has PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), they of course said "oh I'm so sorry do you need anything?" and then the time became longer and longer between the times we would talk until many of them now don't say anything. I've shaken that dust from my shoes and am SO THANKFUL for the friends that have stuck with me. Even though they are few, their support is so great and much appreciated! I know that I can depend on them to be there as we go into a new hardship. We go May 3rd to my husband's consultaion with Brown Cancer center. We found out a few weeks ago that my husband has lyphocystic lymphoma (according to a biopsy done Oct 2009...yes, the doc never called us back on the results and we just found out...that's another story).

On the opposite side of the coin you have quilty friends. I have a few that have been with me since before my husband's injuries and I have made many great twitter bffs in the past few months. Yes, we may not have met and we may never meet, but I am so thankful for each and every one of you. They are an awesome group! I know that with them, I am not going to be judged by what's "wrong" with my husband. I know that I am going to be accepted on my own merits. Maybe that's what's different between Army "friends" and Quilty "friends". The Army "friends" are more interested in how one will make them look better whereas the Quilty "friends" just care about actual friendship.

All in all, I've taken my dusty shoes off and have a brand spankin new pair of quilted together shoes. After all, it's the thread that binds our friendships, just like patches on a quilt.


Sharon said...

I never realized there were "ranks" amongst the military wives too. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but you're right, Quilty friends are definitely the best!

I hope everything goes well with the hubs consultation next week. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

Paula Kathlyn said...

I have never cared what rank anyone was either and thats how it should be! We were all born the same way!